“i’ll always see the light in you”
— e.e.
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I miss being a kid.
When I legitimately sit and think about how everything used to be I sincerely miss being a kid. I was pretty okay, I loved myself and thought I was great and destined to be something great. I would imagine being a celebrity or an author or a veterinarian and god I couldn’t wait. I’d play with my toys and create wonderful stories for them. I’d sit and stare at spider webs after I discovered that the sun made them shine rainbow colors. I’d even imagine having my first boyfriend and getting married. My family was wonderful as well, they all were happy like me. At least I thought so. Now everyone seems to fight, I hate myself, I ditched the glamorous dreams and decided to become a nurse after high school, my imagination is borderline dead, my first relationship was toxic and neither one of us wanted to admit it for whatever fucking reason, and I’m miserable living with my mother. I hate my life so much and I’m not taking it for granted at all. I know I’m lucky to be alive and healthy but everything is so miserable. I can’t even tell you why I cry or randomly get upset. All the reasons have muddled together and it makes everything worse that I dig for an answer and can’t find one. I’m just so fucking sad. I want to go back in time and relive certain parts knowing what I know now. I hate how everything has turned out. I even hate that the person I used to love left me the way he did and got over it so easily. I’m getting tired of it all and I feel so bad that kid version of me would be so disappointed as to how everything is now. I want to skip to when it all gets better. Either that or I’d happily want to be a kid again.
Here I am happy to be alive and growing to love a beautiful boy who makes me happy. I’ve found self worth. I’m okay again
It’s a beautiful thing
When all the songs become about you.
okrutne